KokoMo Betta

Arusha, Jamaica ooooh I wanna take ya // Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama! Wait a minute, she said Arusha, not Aruba. That's right beach boys. I am going to Arusha, Tanzania.

Trade show coming up June 8th, and guess who wiggled herself onto a flight in that direction? Me, that's who.  Stone-cold proof that it doesn't hurt to speak up. When I heard another coworker get invited to go to Tanzania for this show weeks ago, I cringed... why did my boss invite her!? She barely smiles. It took me 2.5 months to get her to warm up to me, and I only succeeded by the sparkling magic of lip gloss. Sure, she's worked for Volcanoes for six years, in comparison to my amazing performance of four months, but I can at least pretend to be charming! I have nice teeth! Good posture! I am great at faking elaborate knowledge of things which at best I possess a rudimentary understanding of! Like, forming passive sentences ending with exclamation points!! (Great sales points, right?)

Well against all odds, I made a point of requesting a special meeting with my boss and explaining that I really enjoyed many things about my job with Volcanoes, but I wanted to work more on marketing, more journalism: writing stories, interviewing participants in our non-profit sector, creating deliverables to share with the public, experiencing the product, LEAVETHEOFFICEBEFOREIPULLOUTALLOFMYHAIR-type stuff. That, and it's really hard to work a sales job as an underpaid peon, making no commission, having no sales incentives, while literally funneling hundreds of thousands of dollars into the company.

I thought she didn't hear me. She kind of faded away after that meeting, supposedly met with the big London boss about the many things the sales team had shared with her... but didn't bat an eyelash for over a week after he left, and I never got any feedback to the many things I had suggested and shared.

Then the logistics manager who was supposed to accompany the sales consultant couldn't go anymore. He is instead somewhere between Rwanda and Nairobi, I think. So V (boss lady) asked me if I would like to accompany the other girl. To which I waited .04 seconds to emphatically accept.

Granted, I will be in some sort of business center no doubt, shmoozing and yawning for most of the 4 day show. I will also hilariously be dressed in traditional Rwandan attire.  Hands will be shook. Smiles will be plastered into place. Pictures will be had. But it will be in Tanzania. And you gotta love an excuse to get one more stamp into that passport.

And for Kate—who hopefully still reads this from time-to-time—I envision saying, "Mooore pictures!" (In a cookie monster growl)

I present, Kilimanjaro:

Then, thanks to the wonders of the interwebs, I happened upon this bizarre story/site...which started so sweetly I though it was an African fable for children... then it literally headed south. 

I just lost 15 minutes that I will never get back... but it was kind of fun. 

Self-deprecating thoughts

I'm feeling pretty technologically overwhelmed right now.

I don't know if it's normal to have this kind of inferiority complex--or if I'm just in some weird (lasting) mood, but I feel like:

I'm not doing enough to contribute to the well-being of others, humanitarian issues, general do-gooderness.
I'm not well enough informed about political and social issues, here in Uganda, at home, and elsewhere in the world.
I don't know what I should be doing for work or how to improve my daily situation to feel useful in more ways.
I can't write well enough, nor do I even understand social media well enough to create any useful blog, site etc, that could share said intelligent information, assuming I could actually figure out how to measure it in a consumable way (articles, photos, etc)
I feel like my education and experience thus far has been wasted. I have a Masters Degree in Communications, I've had professional jobs for ten + years, and for what?

When work is slow, I sit here in front of the computer, and don't even know where to start. Do I look for a new job? Do I start researching places to move to that I might enjoy living in more? Do I find volunteer opportunities so I can stop looking inwardly so heavily, invest in others and try to take it day-by-day? When I read other people's blogs, photo diaries, and news reviews, I feel like I should pull down this blog and give up.

Am I just lazy and hate working? All I can think of when I ask myself "what is it I most like to do?" are strange, random things:

playing soccer
being outside, preferably in the sun
creating perfect playlists (would gladly accept a job as a movie soundtrack compilation artist)
being near the ocean, on a beach, in the water (but have an irrational fear of sharks, nonetheless)
learning languages, being somewhere where I see myself improving in that regard
speaking Spanish
travelling to new, fascinating places
dancing
eating dessert and delicious foods in general

None of these things are jobs! How can I be professionally unemployed?!

Do other people feel this lost all the time?