Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Lights, camera, AcTioN!

Over a month ago, I was invited to join a local makeup artist, Sylvia Kawalya, to prepare models backstage for the Sylvia Owori "Forever Love" fashion show. The planned, donated makeup services had folded last minute because of funds being sent to hairpieces (and someone who knew how to assemble them) so we were called in as a favor.

The Ugandan models were visibly underwhelmed by the idea of having some unknown muzungu do their makeup for the show. I knew this was one of those "fake it til you make it" moments in life so I acted completely unaffected by the arrogant attitudes of the models, and made it look like something I had done a million times before.

We worked frantically on 20+ models for almost two hours until the start of the show.

It was great to pretend to be a "serious" makeup artist....

I may have another, completely unrelated fashion show coming up in May. It's funny, in some ways you can really become whoever you want here. I think that's something about Uganda that appeals to Westerners. You can suddenly feel like a big fish in a little pond, or have opportunities that might evade you back home.

Some pics from the event are below.


 

 

 

 

 

Alive!

Saturday night something happened that today feels like a bit of a dream. I went to a big house party with two friends, Andro and Anna. We left around 1:30am and were walking along the road back towards his apartments which was approximately a 15 to 20 minute walk away. Anna wanted to hop on a boda boda, so we flagged a guy down. We were squishing together to see if all three of us could fit together, trying unsuccessfully to end the evening in a comedic downward spiral. We could have made it work, but another boda guy pulled up, so the driver we were smooshing told one of us to get on the other bike. We were literally going to just ride them down the hill, for about 2 minutes, to reach the "Radio Simba" building, a very centralized, well-known place, and walk down that little dirt road to Andro's place. I hopped on the other boda as driver number one was telling him in Luganda where we were headed, just down the road.

Andro and Anna's guy took off, and we trailed behind, slowly. Very slowly. I had been imbibing, so to speak, and therefore happened to be only half-watching where we were at on the main road. The boda driver was driving for about a minute and then he said something about how we had passed Radio Simba. "Oh, ok well I guess it's right back there then," I remarked, and we slowed and took a 180 degree turn to head down a small road. By now I was actually looking at where we were going, trying to shake the gin-fizziness out of my head. The driver took the dirt road, which dipped sharply off the main, and I realized it was definitely not the Radio Simba road. He accelerated suddenly, and I had a strong wave of instinctual, self-preservation-type fear jolt through my body. This road was completely dark, and he seemed to suddenly be in a hurry, (in stark contrast to how quickly we had fallen behind the other boda guy with my friends) and we were definitely not going the right way.

In my mind, flashing thoughts passed of warnings I had heard about riding with strange boda drivers, especially at night. A friend of a friend recently relayed a story of a female friend of his who had a boda driver take her down some wrong turn, a quiet road, and throw himself on her. She managed to fight him off and get away, but it actually had caused me to think twice about being so casual with whose bike I was getting on the back of, especially as a single female at night. The funny thing was, since I was only going about five minutes down the road, and following behind my two friends on another boda, I hadn't thought twice about riding with this guy.

As I said, he had accelerated and that moment of fear and pure adrenaline rushed through me, and I felt cold-stone sober as I instinctually grabbed his neck from behind, digging my fingers tightly into his jugular, and growled, "Turn Around, NOW! This is not Radio Simba!" I think I scared--or at least surprised-- him at that moment because he slowed and quickly turned the bike around. He then acted like he didn't know where Radio Simba was, and needed me to direct him. I couldn't tell if he was putting on an act at this point, because he realized that I was a fighter and wasn't going to be some easy victim. He acted like he didn't speak much English (many uneducated Ugandans actually don't speak much English) and kept remarking about which way he should go, and I needed to tell him and whatnot. This seemed incredibly strange. Here I was, mostly drunk, wondering if I just misinterpreted the entire situation, but also not trusting this guy at all, and completely in-tune with the strong self-preservation instinct that had taken over me. It was strange for several reasons: the driver had received directions from boda-guy number 1, any driver I've ever spoken to about this area knows where this radio station is, or at least knows the grocery store right next to it off the main road, and this guy's behavior just seemed sketchy to me, for whatever paranoid (or upper intelligence) reason.

We made the remainder of the three minute journey down the road where Andro and Anna were standing next to their driver, worried.
"What happened?!" "I was about to come back and look for you."
"Apparently we got lost." I deadpanned. I had no intention of paying the driver who may or may not have been trying to assault me, but Andro handed him 1,000 shillings. We began walking down the dirt road and I relayed my story to them. We realized that even if Andro had come back for me, if we had continued down that dirt road, he would have had no idea how to find me off the main route.

I'm still not sure what happened. I hope I only misinterpreted the situation and borderline attempted to strangle a stranger. All I know is that whatever voice that sometimes speaks up within us and guides us in an enlightened way told me to do something fast in that moment, and strangling my driver was the first thought that crossed my mind.

Other than that, all's well that ends well in Kampala. Stay tuned!





Friday, April 20, 2012

Self-deprecating thoughts

I'm feeling pretty technologically overwhelmed right now.

I don't know if it's normal to have this kind of inferiority complex--or if I'm just in some weird (lasting) mood, but I feel like:

I'm not doing enough to contribute to the well-being of others, humanitarian issues, general do-gooderness.
I'm not well enough informed about political and social issues, here in Uganda, at home, and elsewhere in the world.
I don't know what I should be doing for work or how to improve my daily situation to feel useful in more ways.
I can't write well enough, nor do I even understand social media well enough to create any useful blog, site etc, that could share said intelligent information, assuming I could actually figure out how to measure it in a consumable way (articles, photos, etc)
I feel like my education and experience thus far has been wasted. I have a Masters Degree in Communications, I've had professional jobs for ten + years, and for what?

When work is slow, I sit here in front of the computer, and don't even know where to start. Do I look for a new job? Do I start researching places to move to that I might enjoy living in more? Do I find volunteer opportunities so I can stop looking inwardly so heavily, invest in others and try to take it day-by-day? When I read other people's blogs, photo diaries, and news reviews, I feel like I should pull down this blog and give up.

Am I just lazy and hate working? All I can think of when I ask myself "what is it I most like to do?" are strange, random things:

playing soccer
being outside, preferably in the sun
creating perfect playlists (would gladly accept a job as a movie soundtrack compilation artist)
being near the ocean, on a beach, in the water (but have an irrational fear of sharks, nonetheless)
learning languages, being somewhere where I see myself improving in that regard
speaking Spanish
travelling to new, fascinating places
dancing
eating dessert and delicious foods in general

None of these things are jobs! How can I be professionally unemployed?!

Do other people feel this lost all the time?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Love Lost


I could be anywhere in the world right now, and I’d still be feeling and thinking the same thing. I just so happen to be in Kampala, Uganda.
What, pray tell, is occupying my mind?
A couple of things.
But mainly love.
That wonderfully complex emotion that isn’t even a tangible thing, and yet no one would dare deny its existence.
I, like many (or most) hope to fall in love, be in love and/or stay in love. I am super cynical and jaded of the reality of it happening, thanks to a handful of failed relationships that have left me gasping for air, and at the same time I'm relentlessly hopeful that it still will. So allow me to wax poetic a moment while also riddling this posting with links to songs about love. 

What I don’t understand is how men and women can be so completely different when inherently we want the same things: compassion, support, laughter, companionship, intimacy, etc. Sure, people care about those things at varying levels, and some might argue that they don’t want to be in relationships, but for the most part, I think people crave love.

Now, it’s always hard to be the one at the end of a relationship who has to hear that the other person has moved on faster, is dating (or marrying!) someone else, and is no longer hung up on the idea of getting back together, working things out, seeing what the future brings, etc, etc.  I just feel like for the past few years (gulp!) I always end up being that person. I’ve called myself a commitment fluffer. (I just get the guys ready for the next girl that comes after me, then they’re ready to be that committed boyfriend or husband I was hoping for all along.) If you don’t understand the reference of this terminology you are a better person than I.

And I’m not a relationship-dependent… I spend a significant amount of time alone attemptin to be an autonomous, complete person in spite of my relationship status. It really bothers me when friends consistently ditch out to be with their significant other, or can’t seem to stay single longer than a week.  I truly appreciate independent women that know how to be happy and don’t need to define themselves by being with another person (which is basically impossible anyway, by the way.) It just gets harder each year. And I am of the age where friends are starting to get married, (or have been married for years already,) have babies and settle into some sort of domestic “bliss.” The challenge for me is negotiating among the two sides of my personality that are constantly battling. I crave that sort of security and companionship in a person who fits me completely; I would love to be in love. (It’s seriously the best thing when it’s good… isn’t it!?) And at the same time, I cannot imagine feeling stuck, stationary and option-less in Small Town, USA. I still want to see many parts of the world. I still need to figure out who I truly am and what my purpose is.

But I crave love anyway.

So it’s hard to be that person that seems to be left behind in that regard. It takes me a long time to trust and fully let myself love someone, but once I do, its real and doesn’t seem to go away... um, like, ever. Too bad it has never yet been the case on the other end.

It may seem melodramatic, but I do often wonder if I am going to be a single woman forever, and have to learn to deal with that. Maybe it’s a cultural faux pas that makes me believe these things, maybe it’s my biological clock freaking the eff out. Who knows. But here I am, in Africa, feeling lonely and thinking these thoughts.

And the problem is, I don’t think I like cats enough to make that whole crazy cat lady thing work for me. Maybe I’ll create a zoo, then at least I can have a little more pet variety.

....

And because one of the beautiful things about blogs is that they are InTErAcTiVE… if any of you 15+ readers (or secretly more, this blog has 700 views since Feb!) have thoughts to add on this topic, I’m seriously grasping at straws here.  xo

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Sabyinyo with AK-47(s)


As promised, the story continues...

Jen and I double-boda'd (like how I've made that a verb?) to the bus station, remarking on the way about how both of our mothers would die if they saw how we traveled around, helmetless, through the city traffic madness. We met the others at the station and boarded the packed night bus.

Once everyone figured out where they were sitting and settled in (which took about 40 minutes for some reason) we departed from Kampala for Kisoro. I sat next to Anna and we chatted for a while before eventually shoving earplugs in our ears and burrowing into our hoodies.  Unfortunately, Anna's observation of cultural differences in seemingly simple understandings of common courtesies was tested thoroughly throughout the evening. The main culprit was the guy seated directly behind her. He acted like a 7-year-old, but was clearly in his 20s, first actually hitting her on the head by grabbing the seat back several times, then repeatedly turning his phone radio on, full volume and holding it up in the bus to get a better signal, right behind our heads. This might not have been too much of a bother if it just happened at the beginning of the trip, but this dude would turn it off for a while, then decide at 2am that it was time to listen to some songs again, and on full blast it would go. Funnily enough, even though this guy was waking up the entire bus, no one said a word. Other times people would be standing in the ailes and just start yell-talking to each other without any regard to the fact that the bus was full and it was now 4 in the morning.

The long, treacherous bus ride arrived to Kisoro around 6am.  We departed, delirious, and I haggled with the boda guys at the stage outside the bus station in order to catch rides up to Mt. Gahinga lodge, at the base of the dormant volcano. This rode up was unreal. Not only was it mostly mud, entirely uphill, and incredibly slippery, it was riddled with pot holes and large rocks, so the bike would spin its wheels or spit out randomly, and we fishtailed all over as I gripped the "oh shit" back handle for dear life for about 45 minutes as the sun rose. Anna got dumped twice as the boda driver lost control of his bike and I realized I actually lost skin on my pinky finger knuckle from holding so tightly to the back of the scooter. We arrived with blood-shot eyes and shaking nerves to the lodge, a rustic, charming place with eight private bandas built into the hillside. We dropped our bags, used the eco-friendly "drop toilets" and sat down in the lodge for breakfast.

After a delicious breakfast of toast, nutella, eggs, fresh fruit, porridge and coffee, we retired to our room and collapsed into the fluffy beds. Two hours later, I realized I was still sleeping, and dragged myself out of bed. We were considering the likelihood of motivating ourselves for a hike when it started to pour. And I am from Oregon, and this was some serious rain. (See ominous clouds below.)


So we went to the lodge, sat by the fire, ate some more, chatted with the others that arrived, drank tea, played a rousing tournament of "Shithead" (a card game) and generally acted like little old women. It was great.


The next morning we arose for breakfast (a welcome repeat performance) and met up with the others to head to the base of Sabyinyo. This mountain is quite tall, and I think I suddenly realized what hiking uphill for 8 hours might mean. We met our guide, John, who explained the journey and the fact that we shouldn't be alarmed by the other guide walking ahead of us with the AK-47, because he was just there to protect us should an errant buffalo come charging our way. Super reassuring. 

We began walking around 9:30am, and got about 20 minutes away from the wildlife center when Anna stopped. Her chest cold was bothering her, and she was having trouble catching her breath. She decided to drop out of the hike, realizing that if she was having trouble at the beginning, she would never make it for the next 8 hours. And so four became three. We waited as our guide walked her half-way back down the trail to meet someone to escort her, and began our hiking again around 10:00am. At this point we were about two hours behind schedule, and I was restless and ready to get going. I soon discovered the pace we were to be traveling would involve quite a bit of patience.  Jen and Ric were in horrible shape. That, paired with the fact that we were essentially trudging through a swamp for the first hour and a half kept the momentum at a crawl.  My running shoes were soon black with mud and soggy.  At one point my foot sank knee-high into the mud, and visions of quick sand and The Princess Bride flashed through my mind.

The swamp opened to a bamboo forest area, as we clacked along, using our own bamboo walking sticks to hop over muddy sections and support ourselves along the banks of  the water as we walked. Bamboo opened up to another marshy section, then more bamboo, then, about 2 hours in, John announced that the real hiking was about to begin.

We were blessed with dry weather for most of the trip, which was incredibly lucky this time of year. I was hiking ahead with AK-47, then stopping and waiting frequently for the others to catch up and catch their breaths. We were about 45 minutes away from the first peak when John was remarking about the time and how far behind we were. I asked if we would have to turn around early, disappointed, and he finally gave me the go-ahead to walk on with AK-47 and reach the peak. (We were beyond buffalo danger at that altitude and it wasn’t as necessary to keep together, apparently.)
And so three became one.

Relieved, I set off, trailing behind AK-47 as he left me in his dust. (Apparently hiking this thing like three times a week makes you pretty fit, and quick.)  My heart pounded as we reached vertical areas fashioned with hand-made ladders nailed into the mountainside, gnarled branches serving as stairs, not without gaps, broken areas and times when the whole ladder would shift under pressure. At certain points we had to crawl upward on all fours, not unlike the great apes that used to frequent the area. (The gorilla families have since moved south to Rwanda.)

We stopped, suddenly. There was rumbling below. I couldn’t tell if it was thunder or mortar fire. Unfortunately AK-47 didn’t mince words, (or speak a ton of English,) and wouldn’t explain to me what was happening. We stood in one spot for about 15 minutes as he called to the guide below, eventually taking the walkie-talkie from him in order to call the Ugandan Wildlife Authorities and ask questions in Luganda about what was going on in the Congolese jungle. I asked if there was danger, and he seemingly scoffed at my question.

About 45 minutes later reached the first peak of the three “teeth” after which Sabyinyo is named. “Peak One.” AK-47 expressed, matter-of factly. We stopped for a brief rest, I dug into my packed lunch and shared my gorilla-shaped cookies and hard-boiled egg with him. The gunfire below continued, and it was clear that it was no longer just the occasional burst of thunder. I asked if they were firing in the Congo and he said yes, the rebels were fighting down there.  I didn’t like the way he would stop and listen to the walkie talkie and stare down below, but it seemed we were safe where were were. We were waiting for the rest of the group, but I asked if we could continue on in order to finish all three peaks. The clouds in the distance were dark and rain was on the way. He also made a comment that it wasn’t safe to still be hiking in the dark since he only had one gun. Yay!

We continued, down peak one, and up the dip to peak two, climbing ladders almost entirely now up the vertical sides. “Peak two,” he unceremoniously stated. Same routine and we reached peak three. It was a lot of sweat labor to get up and down these peaks quickly, but I did get some beautiful pictures on peak two before the clouds rolled in. We turned around after reaching peak three and headed back to meet the others. It was precarious, to say the least, to navigate these shifty ladders back down the mountain, and I had several flashing images of my body bouncing down the mountainside, never to be seen again.  We caught up with the others on the way down about an hour after we had initially left them.  Then the rain caught us.


The downward hike continued for about 2.5 more hours, with stop-an-go shuffling to keep pace with the others. It probably didn’t help that I was now completely soaked, mostly muddy, and my muscles were already cramping a bit, but I definitely felt “over it” at that point. By the time we reached the alternating bamboo/marsh areas, I barely attempted to avoid the waterways and muddy sections, since “keeping clean and dry” was now futile. I finally went ahead during the last 15-minute leg to the wildlife center, because I was planning on catching the night bus back to Kampala, and it was already nearing 5:30pm.

At the lodge, I reunited with Anna, and upon realizing that the bus would leave Kisoro at 8:00pm (instead of 9) and it was at least an hour to get to the station, I was still covered in mud, soaking wet, hungry and grumbling, it might be a better idea to skip out on work the next day (which was pointless to attend anyway since all offices were closed for Easter Monday) and take a morning bus instead. I called a couple of my coworkers to inform of the new plan, and settled in for another (welcome) “boring” night at the lodge. 

And like Jesus, we rose again Monday morning, and headed back to Kampala.







Monday, April 9, 2012

Running around a field, then running away

I started to write a post last week that went like this:

I’m bored.
I can’t stand sitting in front of a computer all day. I kind of hate that I’m doing it right now, but I’m overdue for a post. Entertaining myself with YouTube music videos can only go so far. 

I try to be productive during my day, because I still have that tugging feeling that I haven’t figured it out yet. Sometimes I Google vague queries like “Brazil jobs” and poke around. 
Sometimes I try to translate cryptic Lugandan Facebook posts.
I still haven't decided if I mostly dislike living here, or kind of like it. 
I dislike a lot of things about living here. 
It definitely doesn’t help that I’m bored all day at work—6 days a week. Leaving me all of Sunday to experience a momentary bout of freedom.
I miss the shit out of my friends. I miss my little soccer crew. I miss having meaningful heart-to-heart talks with my girlfriends. I miss hugs. I miss my Benny Boy.

On the "bright" side, the weather here is mostly awesome. I love being warm in the evenings when a cool breeze is blowing and the fact that the sun shines daily. I love that all the bars and clubs play hip-hop or reggae, or local music that involves some sort of danceable beat, and then they pull out the old 90's slow-jam gems that I forgot I once loved. 
I think it’s pretty cool that Ugandans really know how to socialize, and don’t stay hidden away inside their homes. (Albeit that's exactly what I end up doing at least a couple times a week.) The streets are always lively, full of music, people, machines, chickens. It's both a blessing and a curse because sometimes it’s overwhelming, and noisy and dirty and feels like mental harassment.

But I am still asking myself what I'm doing here half (or more than half) of the time...

So I guess it's back to the drawing board...

Then I got depressed. I realized I needed to get out of the city. And so I finalized plans to join my coworker, Richard, roommate Jen and new friend Anna, on a trip to Mgahinga National Park, an area in far Western Uganda, on the border of Rwanda and The Democratic Republic of the Congo. The aim was to climb a dormant volcano called Sabyinyo on Sunday, then take a bus back to Kampala in time for me to get to work on Monday. Richard agreed to do the budget thing with Jen, so they made plans to stay at the hostel in Kisoro Town.  I, however, decided it was due time to pull out the "travel perk" card, and made plans to stay in the Volcanoes Lodge right at the base of Mgahinga with Anna.  I even got so brave as to decide to take a night bus, alone, departing Thursday night, so that I could spend an extra day there. Work on Thursday was crazy busy, since half of our sales team was already gone for the Easter weekend and/or holiday leave, so I left over an hour late. Long story short, I wasn't able to get to the bus station in old town Kampala, weaving through bumper-to-bumper traffic with my heavy backpack attached to me attached to the back of a boda boda-- in time to reserve my place.

So I went out to have a couple drinks with a new soccer friend, Jesse, who informed me later in the evening that despite the fact that we were still out dancing at 2 a.m., I would be playing in the Makerere University Business School women's soccer tournament the following day, as a fake student.

My travel plans thus postponed to a Friday evening bus departure with the others, I agreed, reluctantly, both because I didn't want to wake up at 8:00am on a day off, and also because these girls were beginners.  I'd seen how ugly their game was, hence the reason I'd been playing with boys for the past two months.

The tourney was pretty funny. I created ripples of shock as the only muzungu on the pitch/surrounding area, and then of course everyone wanted to see if I could play, make some comments toward me, and gawk some more.

I ran all over the field in the first game, mentally willing the girls to gain some sort of understanding of the rules, learn to pass in the general direction of anyone on their own team, and actually hit the ball with their feet when they swung at it. (I was unsuccessful in my attempts for the most part, and we finished the game with a loss.) In the second game, I had a nice goal off a penalty kick, and another girl finished a pass from me into the net.  We miraculously won 2-0.  In the third game, we played the girls that most resembled a soccer team, Makerere University. I  ran around like a enraged bumblebee, practically throwing in the ball to myself, to then carry down the field, protect from spastically kicking legs, and shoot at the goal. This game was painful, but we somehow managed to prevent them from scoring (not without me sacrificing my body to a few errant elbows and feet.)  Needless to say, I left the three games with more bruises than normal, hurrying home to shower, change, eat, and not miss my second attempt at running away for the weekend.

To be continued... the running away to climb a volcano part.

Here's some photos to hold you over until then.